At a Korean Funeral Parlor

A few days ago, my wife's younger brother's older brother's father died. I I know you just went "huh?". Basically, it boils down to a Buddhist monk telling the mother her son shouldn't be raised as an only son in a family of girls (my wife has three sisters). A neighborhood boy was "adopted" as an older brother, and grew up frequenting my wife's family. Even now, he is often a part of any family activity (although he doesn't seem especially close to my brother-in-law). It was the father of the older "brother" that died the other day.

While my wife's mother died at home and the family kept the body there during the entire funeral procedure, in this case the funeral took place in a funeral parlor. However, other than the name, Korean funeral homes are quite different than the ones in America. [Cue theme to "Six Feet Under". ]

Funeral homes are generally large buildings with several funerals all going on at the same time. Usually, when you approach, you are gagging because of the several dozen men smoking on the outside steps (no women though; Korean women usually don't smoke in public). Inside, you first put money into a special envelope and put it into a special box. Lining the walls, there are all sorts of black banners with the Chinese characters that mean mourning on them, as well as "flower towers". It's quite busy and quite loud, with mourners from all the different funerals mixing together in the halls.

Inside the mourning room, you will be find the family members. The women will be dressed in white hanbok, and the men in thin yellow hemp robes with high square hats. The sons of the dead person are standing around a portrait of the deceased. This is a black and white picture with a black frame around it. The body and / or coffin is not displayed at all. The yellow-clad sons are keening a ritual funeral hymn and propping themselves up with a stick. They keep this up for hours and hours: my knees hurt just looking at then...

You go in and light some incense. Following that, you do two full-body bows to the deceased, and then two to the chief mourners (sons and guests bow together - the sons might do it several hundred times a day ). Then you sit back on your heels and exchange a few personal words with them.

And then.... you eat. You go from there directly into an loud eating hall, which is down the hall or attached to the bowing room. Last night there was kimchi soup, rice (of course), several kinds of vegetables, rice cakes, and meat dishes. And alcohol, of course. Koreans do nothing without alcohol, and funerals are not an exception. The whole extended family is there, and is in fact serving the guests. The "party" is open 24 hours the entire time of the funeral. Gambling, drinking, and talking is expected and encouraged. No showering or shaving is allowed for the family during the mourning time. The funeral home service continues for about 3 days before the body goes to its grave.

Traditionally, the son was supposed to spend 3 years (!) mourning the dead parent. He stayed in a small homemade hut and wore ragged clothing the entire time. Sometimes, you really have to wonder about Confucianism.